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01 May 2016 @ 06:53 am
An honest to God reflexion of how I feel about KAT-TUN going to "recharging period"  
It's a little sappy tho'

[Seriously, what are they? Pokemons?]
I know things have to change as time goes by, nothing can remains the same, but even when my brain knows this, my heart refuses to understand and now is bleeding non stop with sorrow and plain pain.
For some this could sound stupid, meaningless and dumb, but to me it’s important, more important than I wanted to admit. I remember when Jin said he was leaving, and when Koki was fired from the company, I know I didn’t cry back then. True, I was sad, nothing was going be the same anymore, but even at those difficult times it never crossed my mind the thought of disbanding or anything like it. It was like a bad break up when someone dumped you. You cry and suffer but then you get up and keep living and moving. It hurts for a while but you learn to live with it, and without it, eventually.
But everything changed when Junno said he was leaving. For the first time in forever KT made me feel fear. Fear that they will not be able to come back from this, fear of losing something that it’s too dear to me, fear of letting them go.
Then I cried and felt at lost because I didn't know what was coming. The future was uncertain, which was something new with them, and I was truly at lost of what to do.
Then came the announcement of the recharging period and in all honesty, I don’t think I have ever cried so much over something like this in my life. It felt so final at the moment, and I could felt like someone was ripping my heart out and taking something from me. I felt empty.
It also hurt so much because I had been saving money just to go see them. I was confident they were going to celebrate their 10 years with an awesome concert in March and then with a fabulous summer tour. With all the saving I did I was ready to spent the summer in Japan, but then came the Junno thing and then the recharging period.
My heart broke then and has been broken since.
I always try to follow my dreams, even when sometimes my head decides to play with me and make me feel like nothing is worth it, but this… I had all my hopes and dreams put into this trip, the one where I could finally go to Japan and see the band that have been part of my life for almost the past 10 years of my life.
And everything came crashing down, leaving me empty handed.
I still have the intention to go to Japan this year, but somehow now Japan seems a little bit empty to me.
And now people are getting ready for their last concert in God know how long, and I’m not there and that breaks my heart.
I need to believe they are in fact going to have a recharge period and once that's over, they will come back to be the awesome group I love, the same dorks I adore, the ones I'm going to miss with all my heart.
I can’t help the tears. I can’t help to feel sad for not been there.
God knows I would love to tell them to take as long as they need to recharge, but with the promise that they will come back. I'm willing to wait as many months or years they need to recharge, just to make sure that when they decide to come back, I'll be ready to be one of those thousand voices yelling to them ‘okaeri’.
So for now I’m going to drown myself in memories and old concerts, and tomorrow I’ll think about the future and about that fabulous come back, with which they will surprise us all and make us cry again, but this time with tears of joy.


Credits to ozawa_chan@lj for the pic and for being awesome and sharing her pics with us
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: Chain DVD